So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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