The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Acid is not a monday night drug
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
