Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
