All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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