You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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