Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
