I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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