I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
