i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
