...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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