I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
