The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
