My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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