you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
