My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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