I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
