yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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