Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
