I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
