I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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