after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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