Don't make out with my wife yet
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Houston, we have a blender
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
