So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
