I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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