I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm passing your future prison.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
