Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
