You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
