Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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