i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
