To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
