she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
