two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
