That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
