I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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