is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
