just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have tasted many bathrooms
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
