I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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