i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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