I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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