ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize