My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
