does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
