I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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