he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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