That's intense
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
