I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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