Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
