do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
