I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
