What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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