Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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