so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
