I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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