Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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