I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
