I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
