Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Randomize
