the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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