You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
