I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
