dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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