So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
