Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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