A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
