i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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