i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
