I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
