At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you traded sex for a burrito?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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