i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
