If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
