I will die if light touches me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
