she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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