Don't you send me to vm
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
