I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
