1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
