Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize