How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
