I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
